Starting Over

I feel awful. This month has been difficult, but I've been completely undisciplined over the last two weeks. I discovered that 30 weeks of hard work and habit forming can be undone in a matter of days. I've exercised no self-control whatsoever in the last week. As the days wore on I regressed further and further until I've at last found myself behaving just the way I did at Easter time this past Spring, gorging myself on sweets, and candy. Not even tasting them anymore, just stuffing in as much as I can. Only this time I know the calorie count. I finally (thanks in part to a weekend of the flu) get to the half-way point, and I reward myself by downing enough calories to gain 6 lbs. in less than a week (It took me a month and a half to loose that 6 lbs.). That was yesterday. Apparently it wasn't deterrent enough, because I've eaten an enormous amount of junk since I stepped on the scale. I'm an addict. Will I ever conquer? Will there ever be a time where I can have a couple cookies and that will be enough, or will it always be all or nothing. Will a candy bar at Halloween always set me off on month long (or in this case holiday season long) eating binges? To make matters worse I haven't exercised in over a week. The week before Christmas brought in family, shopping trips, sick kids, holiday parties, and many a night up until 2 am. Something had to give and it was exercise. The habit is broken. I don't even feel like starting it up again, but I feel so awful! My stomach is so bloated. Bleh. I feel like I could barf. I kind of wish I could. I have a feeling that re-forming the habit, is going to be harder than starting it the first time. I'm going to expect that I can run forever. I'm sure that a week off is going to make running difficult and not fun. We'll find out in the morning. I'm not waiting for New Year's Day. Bring on the withdrawals, bring on the headaches, heaving lungs, and tired legs. I'm going to bed early and recommitting to healthy living in the morning.